Year One: Marriage

Posted on August 25, 2009


Yesterday Brian and I marked one year of marriage. I have many things to learn yet, but I’ve gathered a few gems along the way.

  • Men are better at housekeeping than women give them credit for.
  • The storied “honeymoon phase” is fiction. The whole first six months, if not the whole year, is an extended adjustment period. I went through plenty of negative but necessary emotions: fear, grief over the loss my former self as I knew her, anger, confusion. It was all part of transforming from a single individual to a married team member.
  • The change that I didn’t expect to have such an impact: sleeping in the same bed with another person every night. It seems so insignificant. But after 32 years of sleeping alone, it was quite a shock to my mind and body.
  • It’s frighteningly easy to forgo all social life in lieu of just slumming it at home with your spouse in front of the TV.
  • Getting married does not, in fact, cause a supernatural mind meld that seamlessly merges your two sets of ideas, hopes, tastes and values. Intellectually, I knew this. But in my subconscious, where all the world’s subtle suggestions about what women should expect from life are buried, I felt we would automatically snap to the same page beginning Aug. 23, 2008. Not so.
  • It’s cliche because it’s true: If both spouses don’t actively participate in frequent, open, honest communication, the marriage is either doomed for misery or for failure.

And that’s why I’m glad Brian is willing more than any man on earth to work against the grain of his sex: he tries his blessed best to communicate, and he does the dishes. While we still battle the realness of marriage from time to time, these two qualities let me know everything’s going to be all right.

Love you, babe.